A Dependent Independence
I was driving along in my car the other day, when I suddenly remembered that it had needed a filter changed, and I never got it taken care of. I wondered how hard it was to get to the filter, and if it was something I could replace myself. --Then I was startled I had even thought such a thing! Here I am, thinking like an independent woman, I thought.
But that brought to mind the paradox of being a single Christian woman. I have the responsibility to be independent, that is, to provide for my own needs so I can be free to be a blessing to others, rather than a burden. But I also need to remember the responsibility to stay dependent in other areas.
The ideal path for a godly woman is to marry (a godly man, of course) and have children, and to raise up a godly next generation. I say this because, as I have read and studied Scripture, that is the way our society, our homes, even our churches, are designed to work.
However, there are some women (and men, for that matter), who do not follow the typical pattern of growing up, getting married, and having kids. Are they somehow out of God's will?
Not necessarily.
I Corinthians 7 used to be one of my least favorite passages to read, because I always felt like it clashed with my youthful hopes and dreams. I would read it and think how desolate to be one of the "unmarried and widows" it mentioned, without family or a husband to take care of them. How horrible! And yet, look at what this passage of Scripture really says regarding a single Christian:
"I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I." (v.8)
"He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. " (v.33)
"There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband." (v.35)
These are just a few of the things in this passage that indicate that the single Christian is actually better off than the married Christian. Why? because "ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction." (v.35)
Singleness presents a unique opportunity to serve because of the ability of the single Christian to be independent. It also presents a unique temptation, because it is easy to become too independent and start taking things into our own hands which we have no right to take. We must carefully guard these areas of dependence if we want our singleness to glorify the Lord.
So, what areas require dependence?
1. Dependent upon God.
How strange it is, that we, who are dependent upon God for absolutely everything —even down to the air we breathe and our body's ability to extract what it needs and expel the rest— can ever forget that we need Him. But we do. If you're at all like me, you probably have forgotten that more than once just in the course of the day today. But it is our dependence upon God that is the source of our strength and ability to do anything. Jesus said,
"I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in Me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without Me ye can do nothing." (John 15:5)
If we are to serve the Lord at all, we need His strength, His power, His enabling. Remembering our dependence upon God is crucial, because without that truth, we become prideful and begin to take credit for the things that God Himself is responsible for accomplishing. And we know that "God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble." (James 4:6)
Dependence upon God is of course the first and most important area of dependence, but there is also another we must keep in mind.
2. Dependent upon Others
This is the paradox of being a single Christian woman. We are supposed to take care of ourselves. After all, the Bible does say that anyone who will not work should not eat. (2 Thessalonians 3:10) So I am not for a moment suggesting that we all find some kind person to take care of us and meet all our needs while we laze about all day. What I am saying is that we need to remember to be humble enough to accept kindness and help from others.
This is applicable in big things, but it is more common in small things. For example, letting someone open a door for you, or carry something --even if you are perfectly capable of carrying it yourself. These are little things, but when other Christians do something kind for us, they are showing Christ's love.
As Christians we are supposed to be demonstrating Christ's love to each other all the time, in fact, it is how others will know that we are Christians. (John 13:5) So when we get that "I can do it myself" attitude and pridefully refuse the attempts of our fellow believers to give help or render kindness, we are hindering them in exercising their God-given responsibility to love as Christ loved.
Working with small children has taught me that sometimes, accepting a kindness is as much a demonstration of love as giving one. I've had students bring me all sorts of things over the years -rocks, shells, toilet paper tubes decorated in garish scribbles, dollar-store perfume --even a bug or two! But no matter what a child brings me, as soon as the words "this is for you" stumble out of his or her mouth, my responsibility is to show God's love for them by accepting the gift with gratefulness and love, just as God accepts my own pitiful offerings of feeble service to Him.
In our efforts to be independent and responsible, it is important that we never lose sight of the truths that we are not supposed to be independent from other Christians, and we cannot be independent from God.
So, rejoice in your independence as a gift from God, but acknowledge that you are fully dependent on Him, not forgetting to let yourself be dependent on fellow believers when needful.
The key is to give freely, and receive humbly.