Lean In

It was winter. I was seven or eight years old, and my family had taken a drive down the old Scenic Highway in the Columbia River Gorge. It was one of our favorite things to do as a family, especially during the winter months, when there were no crowds.

If you have ever been to the Gorge in winter, you know the power of the billowing, blustering gusts that blow through the wind tunnel created by the hills and bluffs on either side of the river. Daddy’s favorite place for experiencing these gusts was Crown Point. That day, we had driven up the winding, narrow roads originally made for much smaller cars, and parked in a spot not too far from the ornate octagonal building, which was, as usual when I was young, closed to the public.

Once we parked, we could feel the gusts rocking our van back and forth, and when Daddy opened the side door for us to jump out, he had to close it himself as we fought against the wind.

That day, the gusts were particularly forceful, and I still remember feeling its icy bite stinging its way through my zippered parka as we made our way toward the steps of the building. As we walked, Daddy held onto our hands to make sure we didn’t get blown over, and shouted against the roar of the wind, “Lean in!”

My brother, always the fearless one, did exactly that, and it was astonishing to watch him lean forward, arms spread, and let the wind hold him up.

I must admit, Though my brother was fearless, I was exactly the opposite. As much as I enjoyed the idea of being adventurous, when the time came to do something that had a bit of uncertainty attached, I just couldn’t make myself do it.

That day, I grasped Daddy’s hand tight and did lean in—a little, anyway—just enough to feel the odd sensation of weightlessness as the powerful rush of wind kept me from falling. Of course, as soon as I realized that the gusts were highly unpredictable, I stood a little straighter, and battled my way toward the shelter of the leeward side of the building.

But, aside from the novelty of being held up by thin air, there was a practical reason for leaning into the gusts that day. It kept us from being blown backwards or pushed over by the heavy winds. It was what enabled us to push forward to shelter.

Sometimes, God allows gusts and billows of emotion into our lives, and if we aren’t careful, they will bowl us over, or push us far from the shelter and security of God’s presence. In those moments, when we face the unpredictable, the uncertain, the overwhelming rush of feelings that threaten to topple us, that is when we need to lean in, to embrace, not the billows, but the effort required to push through them toward shelter.

We need to lean in.

The idea of leaning makes me think of Proverbs 3:5-6:

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”

This is such a frequently-quoted passage, it is almost easy to overlook it, especially in times when we feel like we need something new, something better or more powerful to combat the bluster in our hearts. But so often, all we need is what we already know from the Word of God. We need to remember those very things that have become so ordinary to us, it’s almost as if we have entirely forgotten them.

If you were to read this blog post by post from start to finish (which would be a monumental task at this point,) you would find that I have learned many things over the nearly seven years I have been seriously blogging, but do you know what else you would find?

You would find that, as much as I may have learned, I’m still that same girl who stood in the parking lot clutching her father’s hand, shrinking away from the uncertainty of leaning in, and wanting very much to just stay rooted in place on my own two feet—even though it meant being knocked around by gusts.

I have to fight the tendency to freeze, to overthink, to try to fix it myself—to lean on my own understanding. Instead, when I find myself in the middle of an emotional tempest, I need to turn myself toward the shelter of God’s presence, lean into the biting, chilling, billowing gust and simply take one step of faith after another till I reach the place of refuge and peace in God’s presence once again.

A passage that speaks to the confidence of a soul leaning in instead of being blown back is Psalm 46, which begins,

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.”

As much as we tend to fear the bitter windstorms of life, we truly do not need to. If we simply stay close to God, we will not need to be afraid, because He is our refuge. He is our source of safety and defense. No matter what is happening around us, no matter how hard life gets, we can rest in the confidence that our loving Father is watching over us, and anything that reaches beyond the walls of our Refuge is allowed on purpose for our ultimate good, as we know from another frequently-quoted verse, Romans 8:28:

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.”

So, dear Reader, what billows of life are you facing today? How is God calling you to lean in and take those steps of faith closer to Him? The gusts are unpredictable and overwhelming, but God is strong, steady, and immovable. Find your refuge in Him!

“In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.” Psalm 62:7-8