Wait and See
When I began writing in earnest as a 28-year-old, reveling in the freedom of having *finally* finished college, I did so with the understanding that God wanted me to be an open book. I knew then that everything God taught me, every truth I struggled to embrace and live out, all of it was to be writing material. So, here I am, writing—about a cardboard box.
It isn’t a box you would find very remarkable. It’s plain, brown, and rectangular, with a shipping label plastered across one of the broader sides bearing the name and address of Learning Ladyhood. It is heavy, because it contains books—23 of them.
Ordinarily, I get excited when I see a box of books addressed to me, but this time, it made my heart sink. You see, I hadn’t ordered any books. This was my very first shipment of returns.
Someone, somewhere out there found that they couldn’t sell 23 of my books, and sent them back to the printing company, who in turn sent them to me.
I suppose I knew this would probably happen at some point, but knowing in one’s head that something is a distant possibility and finding said possibility waiting for you on top of a pile of junk mail is quite another!
As I attempted to process the whole thing—what returns mean to my writing, my book sales, my bank account… etc. I couldn’t wrap either brain or heart around it. It was discouraging to say the least, and made me wonder if Learning Ladyhood will ever be more than just something I pour time and money into.
But then, I did the only thing that matters when a child of God has a troubled heart: I took it to Him. I sat before the Lord in my discouragement and bewilderment and simply asked, Lord, what is Your plan for these books?
Even asking the question helped. It reminded me that God does have a plan for these 23 brand-new books that so abruptly appeared on my doorstep. I can’t tell you that God gave me a clear, detailed answer, with all the details of what He plans to do with the books, but He did give me peace.
As I prayed, God gave me a quiet assurance that He isn’t done with the books, or me, or Learning Ladyhood. This setback was actually an invitation. Those 23 books with their attached financial and emotional consequences are an invitation from my Heavenly Father, calling me to trust Him, to bring them to Him, and to see His mighty hand at work.
As I prayed, Jeremiah 33:3, which says,
“Call unto Me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.”
Essentially, the answer to my prayers for now is, wait and see. God orchestrated this all in such a way that I would be required to wait, and He did so, knowing that as He works, I will catch a new glimpse of His glory.
I began a prayer journal for Learning Ladyhood that night, perhaps in part because of the recorded answers to prayer in the missionary biographies I’ve been immersed in for the past few weeks, but mostly as a response to God’s call to wait and see.
I wrote it all down—how many books, how much money the printing company will charge me for them, and that this all comes on the heels of a very large and expensive book order for a conference coming up.
I spared no detail, because God’s answers to prayer are always intricately tailored to the details of the need. I believe God will do something remarkable with that unremarkable brown box of books, and I want to remember the difficulty as it is so that I can revel in exactly how God works in its every facet.
After all, the purpose of Learning Ladyhood is to teach and to show that God’s way works. And part of God’s way is the trusting prayer of faith, raised to the God who is never surprised by our needs or problems.
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33