Marks of a Good Friend
If you’ve been reading my posts each week, you probably know that I’m journaling through the Bible this year instead of doing my normal Bible-in-a-year reading plan. That is why I am just now reaching the end of 2 Samuel. As I read through the earlier part of the account of David’s life, I noticed something I hadn’t seen before. I found myself paying more attention to Jonathan, impressed by what an excellent friend he was.
We probably all know that Jonathan and David were “best friends,” and yet, that is pretty much all we tend to notice about this humble man who willingly took his place in the background. But Jonathan displayed some remarkable character qualities that serve as a good illustration to you and me of what it means to be a good friend.
First, let’s consider who Jonathan was. We first meet Jonathan in 1 Samuel 13-14, as the valiant son of Israel’s first king. I don’t know if we are specifically told in Scripture that Jonathan was Saul’s eldest son, but from Saul’s later words about Jonathan becoming king, and from the fact that in 1 Samuel 13:22 we are told that Saul and Jonathan wielded the only two swords in all the land of Israel at that time, it’s pretty clear that Jonathan was the crown prince of Israel.
1 Samuel 14 is Jonathan’s moment in the spotlight of the Biblical narrative. He takes initiative (and his armor-bearer,) and finds a way up to where the Philistines were, near Michmash. He and his armor bearer take on the Philistine garrison, emerging victorious against staggering odds.
Not only do we see Jonathan’s courage and prowess on the battlefield in this chapter, but we also see his common sense. While Jonathan was gone, Saul had forbidden anyone from eating before the enemy had been completely destroyed. Jonathan, not having heard of the command, eats some honey. When confronted about it, he notes that his father’s army would have been better off having eaten something. Unlike Saul, Jonathan was practical and undramatic.
Jonathan was also well-loved by the people. After the initial battle, Saul asks the Lord if he should go after the Philistines, but God gave no answer. After some investigation, it was determined that Jonathan was the source of the problem, having eaten the honey before he knew of the king’s command. In typical dramatic fashion, Saul declares that Jonathan was to be put to death, but the people intervened and plead for his life, saying,
“Shall Jonathan die, who hath wrought this great salvation in Israel? God forbid: as the Lord liveth, there shall not one hair of his head fall to the ground; for he hath wrought with God this day.”(14:45)
But then David comes on the scene, innocently earning the people’s popularity and as God’s next anointed king, taking Jonathan’s position as heir apparent to the kingdom of Israel. And yet, in every interaction between David and Jonathan, we see Jonathan showing generosity, love, and faith that God will do as He has said and make David king.
The slaying of Goliath showed David to be brave, confident in God, and willing, even eager, to fight God’s battles in defense of Israel. When he appeared before Saul after slaying the giant, we are told that “the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” (18:1)
It is this soul-deep friendship that displays several key qualities of a godly friend. We could apply many of these same qualities to David, for good friends tend to bring the good out in one another, but for today, let’s focus on Jonathan.
Selfless
In Jonathan, we see a human example of God’s selfless love. We aren’t told at what point Jonathan learned that God had chosen David to be the next king, but it is significant that we see no change in Jonathan’s behavior or attitude toward David. He genuinely wanted God’s best for his friend, no matter what that meant for him personally.
Generous
In 1 Samuel 18:4, we see Jonathan giving his possessions to David: his robe, garments, sword, (possibly still one of the only two in the kingdom,) bow, and belt. These were not just hand-me-downs. They would have been symbols of Jonathan’s status as a member of the royal family. As throughout the account of his friendship with David, Jonathan was generous, not only with his material possessions, but with his status and position in the kingdom. Later on, we see him encouraging David in God’s plan for him to be the next king—a position Jonathan himself had been in line for.
Loyal
Perhaps this can be best seen in 1 Samuel 19-20, where Jonathan is presented with his father’s sudden decision that David must die. While trying to be respectful to his father, he stands up for David as best he can, defending his character and asking Saul to tell him what David had done wrong. When his genuine question was met with an angry tirade (and a near-miss by a javelin) Jonathan relays the information to David so he could escape.
You see, Jonathan was not only loyal to David, but also to his father. Though he knew his father was wrong, he still managed to give his father the honor he was due, both as his father and as the man God had anointed king.
Jonathan’s words and actions show that, while he wasn’t willing to pander to his father’s false thinking and wrong attitudes and actions, he remained loyal to him. I think this is what struck me the most about Jonathan. In 2 Samuel 31:1-2 tells us that Jonathan was loyal to the point of following his father into battle and consequently, to his death.
Instead of becoming bitter, or running off to join David’s army, Jonathan simply served faithfully where God had placed him, trusting that David would indeed become king in God’s time. Till then, he was able to give genuine loyalty to his friend while also remaining loyal to his father, the king.
As a man caught between two (at least in Saul’s eyes) opposing loyalties, Jonathan’s integrity shines bright. His words of each to the other are truthful, but without malice, respectful, but bold. His desire was for each to embrace the will of God, both for the nation and for each individual.
Perhaps that is what really made him such a good friend. His focus appears to have been on fulfilling God’s will, and whenever he spoke to David, he encouraged him about God’s will for his life.
Who is there in your life that you can encourage about God’s will today? Are your friendships characterized by selflessness, generosity, and loyalty?
“Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel.” Proverbs 27:9