What to do With a Rebuke

None of us like to be told we’re wrong.

Whether justified or not, rebukes grate against the innate self-righteousness of our sin nature. Even a hint of disapproval can feel devastating at times, and our first instinct is often to lash out in our own defense.

But how does the Bible say we should respond to rebuke? There are several verses Proverbs alone that deal with rebuke, but one deals specifically with the heart attitude of the one rebuked:

“Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee.” (9:8)

In reading through the book of 2 Chronicles recently, I noticed an example in the life of Jehoshaphat.

As king, he began his reign well, but made an alliance with the ungodly king Ahab—one which nearly got Jehoshaphat killed. God mercifully delivered him from the danger, then sent a prophet to confront him:

“And Jehu the son of Hananiah the seer went out to meet him, and said to king Jehoshaphat, Shouldest thou help the ungodly, and love them that hate the Lord? Therefore is wrath upon thee from before the Lord. Nevertheless there is good found in thee, in that thou hast taken away the groves out of the land, and hast prepared thine heart to seek God.”(19:2-3)

We are not told what Jehoshaphat’s immediate response was, but the next glimpse we are given speaks volumes:

“And Jehoshaphat dwelt in Jerusalem: and he went out again through the people from Beer-sheba to mount Ephraim, and brought them back unto the Lord God of their fathers.” (19:4)

Instead of getting bitter and abandoning God, Jehoshaphat took God’s rebuke seriously and drew even closer, leading his people to return to God as well. He didn’t fuss or fume, nor did he make a big production of his repentance before his people to gain attention for himself. Instead, we see him simply going about the task of seeking the Lord, and leading others to seek the Lord as well.

True Biblical humility doesn’t go around perpetually moping and moaning about our sins. It admits them, agrees with God about their seriousness, and then draws closer to God than ever, serving and obeying Him in renewed dependance and trust.

When we are rebuked, we are faced with a decision: do we humbly present the matter before God, ready to take responsibility for whatever wrong we may have done, or will we let our pride well up, making us defensive and unwilling to listen?

Proverbs 9:8 is a good test of whether our heart has responded in pride or humility. Think of the last time you were rebuked by someone: do you find hatred in your heart towards the person who brought the rebuke, or do you love them all the more for their willingness to confront you?

Of course, the people God places in our lives to bring that rebuke when needed are sinners, just like you and me, and rebukes are not always brought to us in ways that make it easy to respond well. And I understand that not every rebuke brought to us by one of our fellow sinners will be completely true or just.

But the saved in Christ have a responsibility both to speak the truth in love to others (Ephesians 4:15) and to receive rebuke humbly, looking for what the Lord has to say to us in it, even when the one rebuking us goes about it in what seems to us an unloving manner. When rebuked, we must remember another truth from Proverbs:

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” (27:6)

So, dear Reader, how is your heart? Are you rejoicing in the faithful wounds of a friend who cares enough to rebuke, or does pride well up inside you at the thought of it? I am so very thankful that we can take our rebellious emotions to the Lord and ask for His help to respond in a way that pleases Him.

“Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head: for yet my prayer also shall be in their calamities.” Psalm 141:5