When Christians Don’t Behave Like Christians
As Christians, we know how we ought to behave. We have the Bible, we have the Holy Spirit’s promptings, and yet even the saved in Christ have a sin nature. We would like to think that once a person is saved, they will automatically begin treating others right and demonstrating Christlike character in their daily lives. But the truth is, this side of heaven, sinners saved by grace will still sometimes give in to temptation and sin.
And when that happens, it can have a devastating effect on believers and unbelievers alike. The unsaved, though without Christ, nevertheless have an innate idea of how “religious” people should act, and when Christians or “church people” do not measure up, it hardens them against the gospel, and builds a wall between them and the salvation they so desperately need.
But for the Christian, being sinned against by a fellow-believer inflicts a peculiar kind of pain. After all, we are a part of the Family of God, in which everyone is intended to display Christlike love and holiness. But as James tells us,
“But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.” (1:14-15)
We each have our own sinful tendencies and desires, and when a brother or sister in Christ yields to temptation and sins, it is a tragic thing. But when that sin is against us or our loved ones, it is even more difficult to bear.
The Bible does give us some guidelines in Matthew 18 for dealing with a fellow Christian who has sinned against us, but what I want to focus on today is our heart response. What do we do with all the emotional turmoil that comes when a brother or sister in Christ fails to act in a Christlike manner towards us?
The answer is simple, but often the most difficult to do:
Forgive.
If you have been a Christian for very long at all, you probably saw that coming. But the truth is, whatever external justice might be necessary, our heart attitude towards any who wrong us is to be forgiveness. Not just the mumbled words of the playground apology, but real, true, Christlike forgiveness. That is the standard. After all, we are commanded to,
“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Did you notice that? As God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. We do not need to “feel like” forgiving, we do not need to wait until the one who wronged us has “earned” our forgiveness. We are to forgive as Christ has forgiven: fully, freely, willingly, with a heart seeking to forgive even before forgiveness is sought from us.
Impossible? Yes. —But not with God.
And remember that it’s not just one-time forgiveness:
“Then came Peter to Him and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but Until seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:21-22)
Of course, part of our responsibility as Christians is to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and there is a very real sense in which we need to speak truth about each other’s sins, not to blame or tear down, but with a heart to restore, as Galatians 6:1 tells us:
“Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.”
It is no accident that this verse occurs in the same chapter as that which exhorts us to do good especially to those who are of the household of faith. (v.10) To confront sin for the good of the sinner is Christlike, but to do so with a heart of bitterness, seeking to get some kind of revenge or satisfaction from the encounter, is just the opposite.
When sinned against, our responsibility is to forgive, and to seek the good (as Christ defines it) of the one who has sinned against us. That may mean speaking truth to the person, it may mean following the Matthew 18 guidelines of church discipline, but in daily life, it often just means dealing with our own emotions, our own bitterness or anger or resentment. It means quietly doing what we can to let the Holy Spirit bring forth the fruit of love, joy, peace, longsuffering, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance in our hearts. (Galatians 5:22-23)
A Christian walking in the Spirit will be strikingly, unmistakably good. A Christian walking in the flesh, however, will be exactly the opposite. When faced with the pain and heartache of a Christian yielded to the flesh instead of God, you and I are to consider our own selves, (Galatians 6:1) lest we ourselves yield to temptation and harbor the sinful feelings of bitterness, unforgiveness, or malice in our hearts.
Dear reader, our enemy is a thief. He kills, steals, and destroys. And when our brother or sister in Christ fails to act in accordance with the victory Christ has already won for them, the result will always be death, loss, and destruction. But even in the midst of the utter brokenness of sin’s consequences, there is hope.
When Christians don’t behave like Christians, it causes all the pain, sorrow, shame, and loss of sin—but when Christians respond in Christlike forgiveness and compassion, God can do the work of restoration and rebuilding He desires to do through us.
When forgiveness feels hard, remember that there is a bigger view to all this than you or I can ever see. God sees it all, and He is just as well as merciful. Your forgiveness does not negate God’s perfect justice—but it does display His mercy.
So…how has God for Christ’s sake forgiven you? Who does He want you to extend that kind of forgiveness to today?
“And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath He quickened together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses; Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to His cross”Colossians 2:13-14